


Apple

by california_112



Category: Hut 33
Genre: FPC: 2 | Apple, Fifty Prompt Challenge, Food, Gen, My First Work in This Fandom, rationing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24908824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/california_112/pseuds/california_112
Summary: Unflustered, Josh took an envelope out of his jacket. "Anyway, the Colonel's message is as follows: all members of hut thirty-three are to be part of a top-secret experiment by a Professor Kay. It will require them to eat something.""Eat what?" Gordon asked, "My mum said not to take food from strangers, and-""Oh, come off it Gordon." Charles interjected. "With the way rationing's going at the moment I'd eat anything."-or-Hut Thirty-Three's occupants are enlisted for a special assignment, which turns out to have more perks than expected.ABSOLUTELY 0% SPOILERS FOR ANYTHINGThis is part of the Fifty Prompt Challenge, 2 - Apple.





	Apple

"Morning, chaps," Josh greeted cheerfully, slamming the hut door, "I've a message from Colonel Standring."

"No, you don't," Archie challenged, not looking up, "I'm doing some very delicate work here, and I cannot be disturbed."

"That's funny, it looks like a house of cards to me," Josh questioned as he came over to the table, "is this how the Germans are encoding their messages now, on cards?"

The third-lieutenant received three solid looks. "Yes, Josh," Charles finally answered, looking up from his crossword, "these cards are actually in German. The 'k' stands for 'kindlich, du sind'."

"Ah, I understand." Josh nodded.

"Do you?"

"No." Unflustered, Josh took an envelope out of his jacket. "Anyway, the Colonel's message is as follows: all members of hut thirty-three are to be part of a top-secret experiment by a Professor Kay. It will require them to eat something."

"Eat what?" Gordon asked, "My mum said not to take food from strangers, and-"

"Oh, come off it Gordon." Charles interjected. "With the way rationing's going at the moment I'd eat anything."

Archie looked at him innocently. "How about a suicide pill?"

"No, Archie, I couldn't take that from you, someone less fortunate than myself…not that thing, anyway. I was thinking more along the lines of some basic _pierogis_."

"Oh, French cooking?" Josh asked.

"Is Polish."

Everybody jumped, Archie's house of cards collapsing. "Minka!" he exclaimed, diving to retrieve them, "That took me an hour!"

"I do wish you wouldn't sneak up on us like that," Charles grumbled, "but yes, it's Polish."

"Dumplings," Minka explained, "I like them filled with meat."

"Ooh, what kind?" Gordon asked, his eyes wide as he prepared to imagine a delicious Polish delicacy.

"Whatever I catch. Chicken, horse, owl…I hate owls. 'Oooh, look at me with my big eyes!'" she mimicked, "You didn't see brick."

"Isn't chicken the more traditional filling?" Charles asked, slightly disgusted.

"In my village, is traditional to have dog." A worrying smile started to spread over the secretary's face. "I make for you tonight, if you like."

Charles declined quickly. "No, thank you Minka. Where were you planning to get the dog meat from anyway? Actually, don't answer that," he added hastily, as Minka opened her mouth to explain, "I don't think I want to know."

"What do we have to eat for the experiment, Josh?" Gordon asked, trying to rid the image of dog meat dumplings from his mind.

"It says here that Professor Kay's plan is this. Each of you will be given a different fruit or vegetable to eat, then you'll be given copies of the same messages to work on." Josh explained. "I must say, it's jolly nice of the Germans to cooperate like this."

"What?" Archie questioned, looking up from collecting his cards.

"Sending four copies of the same message, just for our experiment! It's very sporting of them."

There was a moment of silence whilst looks were exchanged. "No, that's not…oh, never mind." Archie gave up on explaining. "When do we get this fruit and veg, anyway?"

"And how?" Charles inquired. "Did I miss something, or have we not had fresh fruit since 1940?"

"We haven't had fresh anything since the beginning of the war," Gordon reminded them, "nobody can supply anything. Mrs Best was telling me that it's getting harder and harder to find company to work with her."

Charles coughed. "Didn't she say 'companies'?"

"No, I'm pretty sure it was singular."

"I'm not sure she means what you think she means." Archie said, trying not to laugh.

"Professor Kay is providing his own food." Josh explained. "Apparently it's American, or something, but I still don't understand how he got hold of it."

"Black market, most likely," Charles said, "I wouldn't trust it for a minute."

"But the black market doesn't exist!" Josh exclaimed. "The Colonel said that it was against the law, and nobody does things that are against the law!"

"What, like, invade Poland?" Archie pointed out, sarcastic.

Josh became serious. "Yes! Nobody's done that, have they? I'll have to report them to the Colonel. He'll have to arrest them."

"I'd like to see Standring try to arrest the entire Third Reich." Charles said, twirling his pencil idly.

"Ah, so it was a group, was it? Which hut are they in?"

"Forget it, Josh..." Archie shook his head. "Anyway, when are we getting this stuff?"

"Lunchtime. Which is…now!" Josh re-folded the letter and stashed the envelope. "See you in the mess!"

* * *

Ten minutes later found the staff of hut thirty-three seated at a table in the mess, isolated from the rest of the room by a short rope on poles. Archie had already heard two jokes about how the five of them had been separated for their own good, and was starting to feel self-conscious. Annoyed, he turned to Josh.

"Why is it us that has to do this, anyway?" he asked, "There's at least thirty-two other huts they could've picked on."

"Because you're expandable," Josh replied smugly, "the Colonel said that was a compliment."

"I suppose we could use a couple more people with brain cells," Charles commented, "but…let me see that letter…" He took it from Josh and started reading, scanning for the appropriate paragraph. "Ah, here we are: 'I've given the Professor the team in hut thirty-three because they are- expendable?!"

Archie sat up, fuming. "I am not expendable!" he half-shouted. "I've got a revolution to instigate!"

"Demanding what, a decent railway system in the north? Don't worry, Archie, I'm sure someone will get round to it in the next thirty or forty years."

"That is not what I'm talking about." Archie replied. "When the revolution comes, you'll be-"

He was cut short by a short balding man arriving in the mess, and sitting down at the head of their table. After being greeted by Josh, he addressed them generally.

"Hello, hut thirty-three!" he smiled, to be received by two blank looks, two that were actually paying attention, one slightly deadly one. "It's very kind of you to agree to help with this little experiment of mine!"

"So that's what they call it." Archie mumbled, to by shushed by Gordon.

"All you really have to do is your usual job- but, this afternoon, it will be after eating a piece of fresh fruit or a fresh vegetable." the professor placed a small cloth bag on the table, which smelt suspiciously earthy. "You each get a different type, and then feedback to me about how it altered your codebreaking ability." He smiled. "All rather simple!"

Archie put his hand up, cynical. "So, you're really trying to tell us that there's fresh fruit and veg in that bag?"

"Of course!"

Tipping it up, four items rolled out: an apple, a pepper, an orange, and a tomato. A few people in the wider room noticed, and a breeze of whispering started up, after a minute becoming a press of bodies on the other side of the rope. The bright colours seemed to dance in everybody's eyes, and a few people were apparently trying to catch a whiff. Those seated around the table could only stare in awe.

"Could I…touch it?" Gordon asked reverently, reaching for the apple.

"You can have it!" Kay said, chuckling. "One of you is going to be the control by the way, that's why there are only four pieces."

"Well, it won't be me." Charles said, lunging for the pepper.

"I thought you said you didn't trust this stuff because it could be from the black market?" Archie accused.

"If I die by fresh, crunchy, red bell pepper, I will at least die happy." Charles argued, shielding the vegetable.

"I like tomato," Minka said, holding up the fruit, "it make good soup."

"I thought you were going to say you threw them at Nazis, or killed them with them or something." Gordon said, still staring at the crisp green apple in his hands.

"You think we waste tomato?" Minka asked, incredulous. "Only rotten ones we throw at Nazi. The rest we use in soup, which we eat in front of Nazi to make them feel sad. Then we take out gun and kill them, bang bang."

"I'm so glad we got that clear." Archie said, taking the remaining orange.

He looked at Josh, who seemed to be content without having any fresh produce. "Josh, you don't want anything?"

"I've had tomatoes every night this week in the officer's mess." the third-lieutenant complained. "And frankly, stuffed peppers is getting a bit repetitive."

"St- stuffed peppers?" Charles was shocked. "Officers have got stuffed peppers?"

"Yes, but I wish we had something else. The roast beef from last week was much nicer." He suddenly noticed that Archie was open-mouthed. "Do you chaps not get food like that?"

"Well, last night's lump was certainly stuffed with something, but what it was…"

"Don't remind me." Gordon said, turning slightly green.

"Well then, get back to your hut and tuck in!" the professor said, smiling at their reactions. "I'll be here at six to take in your papers."

Gordon looked at the silent crowd surrounding them on three sides, hardly able to hold itself back. "I think I'll eat mine here, if you don't mind," he said, "or I'm likely to get mugged."

"Wherever you prefer." the Professor said. "Now, I'm a bit peckish, so I think I'll see if there's anything in the mess…Josh, do you want to join me?"

"Oh, certainly!"

After the officers had left, the four test subjects warily ate their gifts, savouring every bite. Archie would have laid money that if Minka hadn't been using an impossibly large knife taken from an improbably small pocket to carve up her tomato, they all would have been quite violently robbed. As it was, they finished in peaceful tension, then strolled back to the hut warily. Each taking their copies of the message, they set to work.

* * *

Charles was the first to hand in his paper, bang on six o'clock. He gave it to Professor Kay, who took a cursory glance before frowning.

"This isn't maths, this is…" he looked confusedly up at Charles, "…German verb tables?"

"I needed the practice, and there wasn't anything else to do with the time." Charles said. "Did they not tell you? I'm a professor of linguistics. Thanks awfully for the pepper though." He finished, with a slightly evil smile.

Annoyed, the professor placed the paper to one side, waving Charles away. Frowning, he focused on the door, waiting for the next smart alec.

"Minka done."

Jumping a foot in the air, the professor turned to the source of the voice. The woman who was apparently ex-Polish-resistance was a foot away from him, holding out her paper in a way that was somehow threatening.

"I get full marks?"

Taking it with a shaking hand, he looked over the paper, confused. "What do these numbers mean?"

"This one is how many Nazis I shoot." Minka pointed. "That one is how many I blow up with grenade. This last one is how many I kill with tomato, I thought you might be interested."

"Three?!" Kay took a step back. "I thought I heard you say…"

"It take whole afternoon to remember. It was a long time ago. And one of them was with tomato soup, not actual tomato." Minka seemed far too proud of that achievement.

"But what about these numbers I typed at the top?" the professor asked. "Couldn't you do anything with them?"

"I thought that was how many Nazis dead in total," Minka said, "and I wanted to make it clear how many were killed by Minka."

The professor stared at the 'secretary', open mouthed.

"So, I get full marks?" she smiled, trying and failing to look innocent.

"Uh…yes! One hundred percent!" was the nervous reply, a figure based completely on how much of his body Kay wanted to keep intact.

"Oh good! Though you are lying." Kay took a deep breath. "I let you off though, you give Minka fresh tomato, and good chance to remember killing Nazis." with that, she moved into his peripheral vision, and was gone.

Recovering, the professor was taking small sips of water when Archie arrived, and handed over his paper. "I ran out of time to finish it, but I was really near the end." he said. "What were the other entries like?"

"Did you know that your 'secretary' has killed three people with tomatoes?" Kay said, reading the paper.

"I didn't, but I'm not surprised." Archie replied casually. "However, as we don't have any tomatoes ever, I doubt I'm in danger."

"You've done very well!" Kay smiled, looking up. "How do you think the fruit effected your performance?"

"It gave me a boost at the start because we never get oranges," Archie explained, "but balanced with the fear of being killed by someone from another hut out of jealousy, I don't think it really added anything."

"Well, thank you for participating." the professor said, and Archie went to get a coffee.

Just as he was leaving, Gordon arrived. "I finished, but I think I did it a bit wrong." he started. "I made a mistake in the middle of my first try, and had to start all over again, then I had extra time so I did it again, and even though they both came to the same answer, I still feel-"

"This is amazing!" said Kay, staring in awe at Gordon's paper. "I've never seen it solved like this before…and you're only seventeen?!"

"I'm eighteen in two months." Gordon corrected. "My mum says that's nearly an adult."

"Well…well. Do you think that your- apple?- helped your performance?"

"Oh, definitely!" Gordon said. "I felt all happy, and fresh, and it was great! Maybe if everyone had apples, they would be able to solve codes better…it could be a marketing thing, like a brand…" he trailed off, musing.

"They'd be too expensive to afford in this economic climate." Kay dismissed, jokingly. "But thank you for your feedback."

"That's alright. Goodbye!"

Collecting his papers, the professor strode from the mess. Gordon joined Archie at a table. "What did you think of that?"

"Load of nonsense." Archie dismissed. "I only went along with it to get some fresh fruit."

"Well, I thought it was good." Gordon said. "And I very much enjoyed my apple."

"Minka like test too."

"Agh!" Archie jumped, spilling steaming coffee onto his other hand. "Ah…!" He stood up, waving it around.

"Minka take a look?"

"No!" he said, taking a step back.

"If it needs to come off, I can make some _pierogis_ to cheer you up." Minka continued, as though it was meant to be reassuring.

" _No!_ " he reiterated, cradling it in his other arm. "I'd rather…oh, you've really ruined my evening with that." he stared around Minka, Gordon, and the dripping coffee cup reproachfully. "I'm gonna deal with it myself. I'll see yous tomorrow, in hut thirty-three."

**Author's Note:**

> this is longer than planned...oof
> 
> Hut Thirty-Three! Definitely one of my favourite radio shows, I'm glad I've been able to include it in this challenge. The connection to the prompt is a but tenuous, but I tried...hope you enjoyed!


End file.
